First World Cat Problems

HE GOT ME SALMON
INSTEAD OF TUNA
(not an original FWCP meme, but I couldn't resist)

I WANT TO SLEEP ON THE KEYBOARD
BUT NO ONE IS USING THE COMPUTER

HUMAN HAS TWO HANDS
ONLY USES ONE AT A TIME TO PET ME

I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND STAY INDOORS
BUT NO ONE WILL HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR 5 MINUTES
WHILE I DECIDE

I STALKED A BUG ON THE WALL FOR HOURS
BUT IT WAS A NAIL

IT REALLY HURTS ME WHEN YOU SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR

WHENEVER I GET COMFORTABLE ON YOU
YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

I WANTS BELLY RUBS
BUT ONLY EXACTLY 3, AND THEN I'LL BITE

IT'S 3AM AND I'M ON THE WRONG SIDE OF YOUR BEDROOM DOOR
LET ME PLAY YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

JUST GROOMED MYSELF FOR AN HOUR
GOT HUGS & KISSES... NEED TO START OVER AGAIN

I BARFED ON THE CARPET
NO ONE HAS NOTICED YET

CAN SEE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD BOWL
I'M GOING TO STARVE

I'M HUNGRY
BUT MY BOWL'S ONLY 90% FULL

I WANT TO ASK FOR FOOD, BUT YOU'RE NOT BUSY

I CAN'T DECIDE
IF I WANT TO NAP ON THE COUNTER OR YOUR BLACK PANTS

I WOULD SLEEP ON THAT EXPENSIVE KING-SIZE BED
BUT THERE AREN'T ANY FOLD CLOTHES
OR NEWSPAPER ON TOP OF IT

SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE HEADLESS BIRD I GAVE HER

MY FAVORITE TOY IS TRAPPED UNDER THE FRIDGE

I WANT TO LAY ON YOUR PAPERS
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU NEED THEM

CAUGHT A RAT
NOBODY IS HOME TO GIVE IT TO

OWNER PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN
HAD DRINK OUT OF WATER DISH

THAT RED DOT ON THE WALL...
IT MOCKS ME

WANT TO SCRATCH UP CURTAINS
BUT CAN'T REACH THEM

I NEED TO COUGH UP A HAIRBALL
BUT I CAN'T FIND AN EXPENSIVE RUG

I WANT TO PLAY ON THE BED
BUT NO ONE SLEEPING ON IT